wanderinglight

When I woke up in the morning and saw a post from LSJ on my Moments, saying that he had achieved his goal of earning 600,000 yuan this year, I felt a mix of emotions. On one hand, I couldn't help but feel a bit jealous. On the other hand, it made me anxious. There were a few reasons for this. Firstly, compared to people of the same age, I am undoubtedly falling behind in terms of money. Secondly, the money I earn now is not enough. However, now when I see these posts, I don't feel as excited as before. It's not that I've become complacent, but maybe I've become more practical after working for a while.

It has been four and a half months since I started working here, and I want to vent a little. These past few months have been quite painful. I can't say it's extremely painful, although I am tired, I haven't had to work until two or three in the morning. But it is really hard, I never leave work on time at 6:30, except for business trips and events. If I leave before 8:00, the company won't reimburse my transportation expenses, but I rarely take the subway home anyway. Some people say that even the boss works like this, but this obvious work rhythm is clearly wrong, so how can it be used for comparison? So even if the boss is like this, so what?

I also have to work overtime on weekends, and there are always things waiting for me to do. I never have a moment to relax. Every lunch break, I worry about being interrupted by WeChat messages, and it's amazing how I always end up being woken up. The annual leave of 20 days that other companies have is just a number, in reality, I hardly have a chance to take a vacation. I never have a day where I don't have to turn on my computer, including weekends. So even if I take annual leave, what's the point?

The company has a good reputation, and my colleagues have good personalities. But once it comes to work, there are all sorts of unpleasant things, internal obstacles, excuses, inefficiency, and meaninglessness. This work atmosphere needs improvement, although I know that our company's situation is probably better than most companies.

So I have more and more self-doubts, especially recently. I can't help but think, I'm already 28 years old, is this another wrong choice in my life? Many of my previous commitments have been broken, like keeping a diary, reading, running, playing the guitar, and writing. It's scary that I haven't written a diary for half a month, this is the first time in ten years.

With such a busy job, if I were making a lot of money, I would sell my soul, but the key is that I'm not making much money. The investment of time and energy compared to the output is really poor. There are so many exhausted people in the company who could find higher-paying jobs based on their abilities, but why don't they leave? Is it because they are in their comfort zone? So recently, I've been thinking more and more that if I can't pass the probation period, I should just give up and retreat. But when it comes to actually quitting, I can't make up my mind. On one hand, none of the seniors or peers who came in as trainees have given up, even though I'm probably the hardest working among them, I can't be the first one to leave. On the other hand, if I really leave, it means that I may not be able to handle the role of a customer manager in a trading company, it's really difficult to admit that I'm not good at something. Another important reason is that the people in this company are really great. The trainees, most of my colleagues, and leaders are all good, and I'm lucky to have that. Although I haven't experienced it, I know that the culture and office politics in some companies are unbearable.

Actually, when I seriously analyze the reasons for the hardship, there are quite a few. Overtime and the lack of personal rest time are definitely the two most important reasons, followed by salary and recognition of value.

Regarding overtime, I am truly confused. Not working overtime used to be an important criterion for me when job hunting, but somehow I forgot about it before joining the company, and I gave up the healthy working style I experienced at GSK, which is quite funny. Maybe deep down, I'm someone who likes to challenge myself. But looking back, how many people around me truly don't work overtime? Even if there are, they are most likely in low-paying jobs, which is quite fair. And after all, it's my first year in my career, there are things that take time to learn, even if I don't work overtime at the company, I still have to do some work when I get home. Even if it's not work-related, I still need to spend time actively learning something.

The lack of complete rest time is frustrating, but it seems to be an important characteristic of a customer manager. Always be ready, always be entertained, I may have to adapt to this mode. Actually, I value personal time a lot and I can make good use of it. These two work characteristics are completely opposite to each other, which is really hard to accept. But when I think about it, how many of my friends don't value personal time? So work is work after all, it should align with my interests, provide a high salary, and be relatively easy. Apart from collecting rent, I can't think of any other way to achieve that.

So how do I deal with it? I think the more overtime and fragmented personal time I have, the more I need to establish a regular routine in my life. Go with the flow, even if your running plan was interrupted after just one day and you couldn't continue for a month due to project overtime, you should continue to persevere as if you had just run yesterday. This involves self-discipline, which is unrealistic when you're exhausted. It also includes thinking, which can only be done when you're relaxed. Thinking when you're exhausted is inefficient and less accurate. But it's not possible to be exhausted all day long, from waking up to going to bed. If that's the case, there are three possible reasons. One is that there is something wrong with your body and you need to quit. Two is that you can't handle this job and need to quit. Three is that this job itself is rubbish and you need to quit. So as long as you haven't reached the point of quitting, find the time of day when you have the most energy for exercise and learning, just for yourself.

Now let's talk about salary and recognition of value. I was really shocked by LSJ's annual salary of 600,000 yuan. We're not rich second-generation, but most people's salaries are either a couple thousand yuan less or a couple thousand yuan more than mine, there's not much difference. But suddenly someone is earning 40-50,000 yuan more than me, which is completely beyond my understanding. So this is definitely an exception, and it's not very meaningful to reference it, as it is highly industry-specific. Looking at my own example, if my salary is not good enough now, then GSK is even worse. Another thing to understand is that if you want to make big money, if you rely on working for someone else, unless you become a top executive, no matter how much you earn, it's still small money, so making big money is definitely about starting your own business. In that case, the meaning of salary is to ensure your health, learning, and daily needs in these few years. Housing, cars, and the health of parents can only be put aside for now. Speaking of supporting parents, I really feel my own helplessness. On one hand, I really hope my parents can take care of their health, and on the other hand, even if I earn an annual salary of 600,000 yuan, I probably won't be able to do much if they have a serious illness. The way to make money is one problem, and spending money is another. After working for a while, I've realized that there are times when I don't even have time to spend money, and I can almost be sure that LSJ probably has the same problem.

One issue related to money is the realization of work value. Among my colleagues, there are so many hardworking people. If the reason for working so hard is just to meet targets and earn a little more money, then it's better to buy bubble tea or become an internet celebrity, there's no need to use so much brainpower. So it's important to consider or find the true meaning of work. For myself, what can my current job give me? This needs to be analyzed carefully:

1. Data analysis skills. Currently, my Excel and PowerPoint skills are much better than they were five months ago. So if there is a database, I can find something useful from it. But I have to admit that the data Fred has me pull is relatively easy, as long as the data is complete and the format is neat, I can pull it out quickly. So I still need to strengthen this skill, because looking at growth and achievements is still a bit low. Adding statistical analysis content from my academic career to see correlations may be more useful.

2. Communication skills. I never realized how complex it is to communicate with people, especially within the company. Actually, our company is probably quite good, it might be even more inefficient in other companies. How to make phone calls? How to persuade someone? You can't change anyone, so how do you choose your words when communicating with different people? These skills can't be learned if I'm not working. And these skills can be useful for a lifetime.

3. Planning skills. For a job where you are often interrupted and things change, planning and adaptability are very important, and it's clear that my job can help me develop these skills, but I still need to improve. I need to strengthen myself because looking at growth and achievements is still a bit low. Adding statistical analysis content from my academic career to see correlations may be more useful.

4. Expressive ability. I've always enjoyed public speaking. But because I need to talk about things I'm not clear about and need to prepare in my busy work schedule, it's inevitable that I'm not fully prepared and professional, and I lack the time to think. This should improve after gaining more experience. After starting work, there's almost no room for making mistakes. So when I'm at a lower level, I need to control my speech, but if I need to speak up, I must be cautious and well-prepared.

5. Professional knowledge. Different trade models, financial knowledge, economic principles, and operations, etc., are things that I wouldn't know if I didn't enter this industry. And these business tactics and stories are things that I'm really interested in. So I can learn a lot from this job.

6. Problem-solving skills. After joining Dyson, I've heard the phrase "Make things happen" a lot. When faced with a problem, how to find a solution that is ethical and efficient, this spirit, ability, and habit are all very important.

7. Developing work habits and methods. Learn to make commitments and respond promptly, learn to provide timely feedback on work progress, learn to say no, learn to refuse resources, learn to interact with people. Of course, there's much more to it, besides learning at work, there are many things you need to learn from books. With these, work will be more efficient and smooth.

8. These are the things I can gain. Looking back at the work itself, although my work is repetitive and tedious, if no one does this work, the company's operations will collapse. And even if I consider myself, I need to think about the meaning behind each task, it can save time because if there's no meaning, I can just do it half-heartedly or not do it at all. If there is meaning, then I need to see what I can learn from it and what areas I can grow in. Actually, my current state or problems are just about passively solving the problems that come my way, such as routine or unexpected tasks. And after dealing with these things, I usually lose the time and energy to think proactively or do other things. In the end, my work is still very important, it has value and meaning for both myself and others.

By writing this, I have analyzed the hardships of my work, but I understand the principles, how do I deal with the problems in my work, especially the emotional ones? I think I need to overcome the feeling of anxiety at work. Because there are things that can't be avoided, and these things are the source of anxiety, such as aging, my own aging, the aging of parents and friends, the burden of social and moral obligations like marriage and having children, the decline in physical condition, the decline in learning ability, and the reduction in life choices, etc. But if I can realize that these are things I can't change or things I can't change at this stage, or if I really don't have better options, then making changes and persevering in the face of current difficulties may be the only way out.

When it comes to making changes, you have to make changes, and if you make changes, you have to persevere. You have to have the perseverance of the hundredth day, but you have to start with the first day of perseverance. Give yourself a suitable pace, don't rush for quick success. Give yourself time to rest, even if you feel like you don't need it. The perseverance in life is a common topic, don't set too many goals for yourself, start with a few simple ones and stick to them. For example, there are a few things that I must do now:

1. Quit sugar, carbohydrates, spicy food, and high-salt diet.
2. Avoid overeating, feeling stuffed is really uncomfortable.
3. Don't stay up late, even if you just finished dancing, take a shower, put on earplugs and an eye mask, turn off the lights, and lie quietly in bed.
4. Jog, ride a bike, or use an elliptical machine for half an hour, pay attention to warm-up and stretching.
5. Read for half an hour every day, read an English article.
6. Keep a diary and track expenses.
7. Spend less time on Moments, infuriating current events, online shopping, live streaming, and short videos.

These are my complaints, reflections, and self-motivation after working for four and a half months. A new week will begin tomorrow, and many problems may knock me down again. I will adjust according to my own summary, give myself a deadline, and if it doesn't work, then I'll give up. After all, my body is my own, and my age allows me to make other choices. Although life and work are dynamic and exciting due to setbacks and changes, if I can't enjoy this excitement, I can just go back to my hometown and find any job to do, wasting this life, perhaps that's not a bad choice. Live each day well.